Q: When did you first get to know Lorcet?
My first memory of taking an opiate was on a road
trip with this girl I was friend with. We stopped by
her mom's
house who was ill.
When we got back in the car
to continue the drive, she handed me a pill. I
remember my neck felt soft and weird the whole drive.
Q: How does it feel when you take Lorcet?
At its best It feels like a thin warm glow surrounding
your entire body, with a slightly thicker, warmer glow
surrounding your brain.
Q: Do you hate yourself? Is that why you take Lorcet?
Not really...maybe? No
hate. Just a general apathy
towards everything
Q: Do you ever have sex with strangers for your Lorcet?
Only once. and this is a funny
story, so at our
library they have these holes in the bathroom stalls.
Q: How skinny is your waist and/or bruised arm?
31 inches around I think?
Q: Do you faint often? When's the last time you fainted?
Yes, extreme frequent fainting.
Exactly three weeks ago
Q: Do you "get a buzz" by showing up in public
locations while on Lorcet?
Must avoid public at all costs while on Lorcet.
Q: What do you mix your Lorcet with?
Beer, wine, liquor, mexican food, Vivaldi,
Beethoven, saki.
Q: Will you stop taking Lorcet when your throat falls off?
Ha. I will stop taking
Lorcet never.
Q: Lastly, when was the last time you assaulted a tourist, for
Lorcet?
Tourists come to Baton rouge for many reason
...mainly football. Last year Florida was in town,
I wondered aimlessly among the wanderers.
Mainly looking for free beer and hot wings.
As likely to happen during any football game, I felt
an uncontrollable craving for Lorcet.
Finding the weakest Gator fan I could find,
I pushed a broken KFC spork to his throat
and demanded Lorcet. As you
can probably
imagine, the poor
frightened man new
nothing of what I was talking about.
Coming from Gainesville FL, this tourist
knew of two things: jesus and tim tebow.
Unfortunately neither were there to help him.
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Is this the shit they give you when you get a tooth pulled?
I wish I could detect if this were a real interview, if you have a brother with a drug problem, or if it is “funny”.
It is probably all of the above
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