Self Improvement Week Day Three, RANDOM ACTS KINDNESS.

OK, people, if you didn’t fast for a day, fine. Neither did I. I FAILED (caps generally mean emphasis). Read the earlier blog post; we can parse words, but I failed.

That’s fine.


And maybe you didn’t exercise yesterday, day two of trying to be better. I did. That hurt me, in the buttocks (a funny word. What makes one word funnier than another?) and kidney, a bit too much exercise. I did it, yes, and WHEW, but I have no problem that you did not, though if we met at a party with hardwood floors I can’t discuss marathons with you now.  Or pain. A major interest of mine at a party is the ability to discuss marathons or pain. But C’est la vie.


This is a BIG DAY. Do this. I have a lot of work/learning to edit/lame writing try/study to do  today, but am going to weave in a world that helps others. What if we all had a day like this, on the same day? Maybe the Earth shivers? We drop a giant red spot/storm on the Jupiter of Do-Nothing. The Saturn of Why-Can’t-I-Do-A-Little-Thing, with its rings of Why-Try?

What’s up with the planet metaphors? Shut-up, Sean.

Let’s begin. Here is how I roll today, with updates:

1.) Mail random cards with uplifting sayings. I mailed three cards before leaving the house. I just randomly selected three addresses from the phone book.


OK, I am putting these in the mail. More later. This day will blossom.


2.) I went to the school nearby and stopped my car and dumped all the change from my ashtray on the ground. I was thinking about how good I felt as a kid whenever I would find money. A happy glow like Kelly Clarkson. I am hoping someone finds this money and uses it for cigarettes or candy or maybe to buy the month of July and then rent the month of July out to people.


3.) I then went into a vending area near the university and placed a dollar in every machine. Then I left. Now when people approach the machines later today they will be surprised to get free drinks and food. This will make them think they are lucky. I think to feel lucky for a second will make them believe in dolphins or something.


More later. I need to go edit an essay I wrote about bathtubs.


OK. It is early evening. Let’s continue.

4.) I went to Burger King. Go to Burger King and get a veggie burger. If we do not eat the veggie burgers, they will go away. Support the veggie burger.

(Yes the very burger Heather Mills was paid SIX MILLION dollars to promote. Damn! It’s good but not that good.)

I told the woman, “The car behind me. I want to pay for their meal, too.”

“What?” she said.

“Put the car behind me’s meal on my bill.”


“Why? Because I want to.”

“I can’t do that,” she said.

“What? Why not?”

“You’ll have to park and come back.”

“What? Just run my card twice. Pay my meal then pay for theirs.”

“I need to talk to my manager.”

(I almost yelled at the woman here, then thought: calm, calm, Sean. How can you be kind all day and then yell at someone?)

Manager: “Why would you want to pay for someone’s meal?”

(BTW, the wait is getting long. So I am angering people behind me. This kindness thing can blow right up in your face, folks.)

Me: “No reason. I just want to randomly do something kind. That’s it.”

Manager gives me a look like my head is made of Velveeta. She looks at the line of cars. Obviously, this is a new situation for her and it’s gonna take judgment. But, come on, she’s a manager. Manage!

Me: “Why can’t you just run my bill? Then just run the one behind me.”

Manager: “I guess we can do that.”

They do. Finally.


These people in the red car got a free meal today. The lady had on those big-ass dark Darth Vader glasses people wear when they are old, or just back from eye dilation.

5.) There is an overgrown trail people take. People hate that it is overgrown. They keep saying, “Why don’t the city ever clean out this trail?”

Here is the before pic of the trail:



Now I show up with a machete and go all Tonya Harding on that shit.WHACK WHACK. Oh, it felt good but I kept looking around for cops. This is a busy area. I am wielding a huge sword on city of Muncie property.


AFTER. Now people can walk through without itching.

Well, wow, that’s enough for today I think. I am going to eat nachos now.



9 responses to “Self Improvement Week Day Three, RANDOM ACTS KINDNESS.

  1. I can’t think of the word “buttocks” without hearing Forrest Gump saying the word.

  2. I’m considering getting a phone book now. Which means I will require a phone. Which means I will require to have a house to put my phone in. Which really means I can’t get a phone book till next week when we move into our new apartment.

    Can’t wait to see what other randomness is done today. I’m starting to believe in dolphins myself.

  3. I love what you’re doing. Can’t wait to get my morning fix. After I eat my donut of course.

    No. Seriously. No sugar today. No white anything. Except for milk. I’ll make it chocolate so it won’t count.

    ” I went to the school nearby and stopped my car and dumped all the change from my ashtray on the ground.”

    AAAAA!!! Did you get out of the car and run over to the sidewalk??? Did you dump it in the grass? Between the mother’s back cracks?

    Or did you leave the nickels, dimes, pennies on the asphalt? In the street?

  4. I love his post, Sean. You are incredibly kind!

  5. Oops–I meant: I love “this” post….

  6. dude, lose the guy’s address in the post

  7. All of this pleases me. What great ideas!

  8. You are special like Velveeta.

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